http://gutfeelingszine.com/category/fiction-and-poetry/page/2/ “I always thought insanity would be a dark, bitter feeling, but it is drenching and delicious if you really roll around in it.”
― Kathryn Stockett
There are talents that I’ve never had and always dreamed of possessing. I’ve always wanted to be able to draw, and draw well. I’ve fancied the life of an artist, creating works that inspire and stir emotion. I can visualize what I want things to look like. I can see them clearly in my mind, but I can’t get them from there to a canvas. This desire to create drove me to pursue a computer animation degree in college. I spent two years learning Photoshop, Illustrator, Maya, Flash, and a number of other programs that probably no longer exist. My classmates could absorb those programs like a deep breath. I, struggled. I enjoyed it, I loved it, but despite that, I wasn’t good at it.
After I obtained my Associate of Science in Computer Animation, I finally embraced what my brain was good at: paperwork. I worked as an Office Manager and then an insurance professional. I wrote intermittenly, but mostly, I focused my energy on my grey-cubicled career. I also have a B.S. in Business Management. I’m good at Business Stuff but it’s not what I spend my nights dreaming about.
A few years ago, in a deep, comfortable sleep, follow link I dreamt of a circus tent flying ominously-high above me. A world of black and white striped satin, the only color was a red swirl tearing it’s way through the Big Top. Empty stands circled a large ring, the ground covered in wood shavings and peanuts. A caged lion paced, the heavy sound of it’s breathing the only noise in the semi-dark tent. A truck, empty, except for a ballerina, sat a few feet from the lion’s gilded cage. The dancer spun, finger-tips to toes, like a silent music box in the deserted arena. A trapeze, long abandoned, hung frozen above. And a single, rusted, carousel-horse sat alone, a sad shadow of it’s former self.
When I woke, I was desperate to latch onto those images. I felt no fear in the dream. I was an observer; an uninvited, but not unwanted, guest to the show. The scene was so vivid I became convinced I could transfer it to paper, draw an outline, at least, of what I had seen. After a few scrawled and frustrated lines, I abandoned the pre-school sketch; and attempted some work on the computer. There are tinges of the dream still in my memory but nothing even remotely resembling what it was to me that morning. I regret now, not simply grabbing a journal and writing down the details. I should have taken notes, to keep the mood alive and accessible for the future.
The edges of that dream haunt me to this day. I want to return to it and watch, quietly from my spot at the edge of the ring. I’ve collected some images that hold the essence of the dream for me. You can find them all on Pinterest @paperpinning the board is titled: In My Dreams (you can search by #paperperfect or @paperpinning). I don’t post there too frequently; once or twice a week at most but feel free to pick through the images or follow me.
Don’t make the mistake that I did, write down your dreams when you wake up each morning. When you get in the habit of doing this, your dreams become more vivid and easier to influence, as will your writing.
see Saturday: The Spark will update tomorrow. Come back next Friday for a new post!
Your writing homework: You know that journal you were supposed to get last week? Start writing down your dreams when you wake up. Your mind is constantly working at night, the more often you write down your dreams, the more you will remember them and the more you can pull from them for your writing.
This blog updates each Friday with writing resources, prompts, and of course the random things I decide to post. Feel free to contact me here or find me on GoodReads @ https://www.goodreads.com/hkidder. Follow me on Instagram at: Everythingonpaperisperfect or on Pinterest @ paperpining
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